Becoming a Man of Prayer: Pt. 1

Getting Comfortable With Prayer

The kids at the table were playing a version of paper, scissors, rocks, but in this case the “loser” had to offer the pre-meal blessing. Maybe you can relate, because, unfortunately, that’s the way we often look at prayer – it’s a task we prefer to pass off to someone else, not a joy and a privilege.

Prayer can seem instinctive and intuitive to some guys. You hear them pray in your small group or at some public event, and they take to it the way bees go to honey. But for others, praying makes us more uncomfortable than a pig at an alligator farm. Maybe it’s just me, but I believe that most of us – including the so-called prayer warriors among us – have at times wondered if we are saying what we ought to say to God, and saying it in the right way.

The enemy loves to tell us that we’re not – that we don’t have enough passion, that what we’re trying to say makes no sense, that our vocabulary is unsophisticated, or that we lack focus and commitment because our thoughts always drift from heavenly matters to sports and tacos.

We end up leaving public prayer to others – that’s for pastors, small group leaders, or other “mature” believers. And sometimes that same mindset extends to our private prayer life, as well. “God knows my heart”, we rationalize. Why does He need our words if He know our thoughts?

We know, however, that God calls us to prayer. He does know our hearts, and He doesn’t need to hear from us, but He wants to hear from us, and He will respond to us when we talk to Him.

In Jeremiah 33:3 He says, “Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and incomprehensible things you do not know.”

Plus, as men we have a responsibility as spiritual leaders of our families. That includes modeling spiritual disciplines such as prayer. Practically speaking, though, how do we do this, especially when we might feel so unqualified and uncomfortable when it comes to prayer? We don’t want to “heap up empty phrases” like the Gentiles mentioned by Jesus in Matthew 6, regardless of whether we’re at the dinner table with our family or on our knees in a prayer closet. But it can be intimidating to “draw near to the throne of grace” with confidence, as we’re told to do in Hebrews 4:16.

When, where, and how we should pray depends on many factors and circumstances, but here are a few tips to consider as we commit to making prayer a priority in our lives. Be real, be humble, and be ready. God knows us better than we know ourselves, so there’s no point in pretending to be something or someone we’re not. It’s OK to go to God as we are, weak and unworthy, hurting and in need, joyful and thankful, or whatever the case might be.

Jabez “cried out” to God (1 Chronicles 4:10). Hannah wept “bitterly” and prayed in “deep anguish.” (1 Samuel 1:10-11). Jonah prayed in his “distress” (which is what you do if you are swallowed by a fish) (Jonah 2:1-9). Hezekiah “turned his face to the wall” and prayed (2 Kings 20:2-3).

All were keeping it real. All were humble. But all were also ready to hear from God, who loves us just as we are but doesn’t want us to stay that way. They prayed with an expectation that God would not only hear them but answer their prayers. Keep It Simple – Anne Lamott once wrote that most of her prayers could be summed up as either “Help me, help me, help me” or “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” One of those two prayers is sometimes all that needs to be said. At other times, those are good launching points for broader conversations with God. When you think about it, both are prayers of surrender – “help me” because I can’t do it without you, Oh Lord, and “thank you” because I couldn’t have done it without you, Oh Lord.

Lean into Prayer Models – Some folks who struggle with how to pray find models helpful. You might study prayers that are in the Bible, for instance, and model your prayers after those. A great place to start, of course, is the Lord’s Prayer. “This, then, is how you should pray: ‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.’” (Matthew 6:9-13)

Plenty of authors and theologians have broken down this prayer in books and multi-part sermons. The short version: Jesus acknowledges God as His Father in heaven, acknowledges God as holy, prays for God’s kingdom, prays for and surrenders to God’s will, prays for daily provision, prays not only for forgiveness but for the heart to forgive others, and prays for protection and deliverance from evil. Other models have been developed based on themes of prayer throughout Scripture.

The ACTS model is one well-known approach:

Adoration (praise God for who He is),

Confession (own your sins),

Thanksgiving (express gratitude for all God has done), and

Supplication (present requests for yourself and others).

Pray the Word – Studying the Bible can lead to a prayer practice that includes God’s word in the context of whatever we’re bringing to the Lord. In addition to the Lord’ Prayer, there are hundreds of other verses we can paraphrase or pray verbatim. In fact, there are so many that we’ve put a bunch of them together as “Part II” of this blog post. Come back next week to read those.

Mix the Formal and the Informal – My father died when I was in college, and for several years I would still talk to him whenever my life felt all messed up (which was often). He was in the arms of Jesus and separated from this world of pain, so he couldn’t hear me, but it still helped me heal just to say, “Hey Dad, it’s me again. You won’t believe what I’ve gotten myself into now …”

Later, when I gave my life to Jesus, I found myself talking to God the same why I had talked to my dad. “Hey Dad, it’s me again …”

Personally, this was super helpful as a new believer because I felt more at ease and less pressure. Since I had a good relationship with my earthly father, I had no trouble approaching my heavenly Father in a similar informal and conversational way. I realize, of course, that there are other times when we should approach God with more formality. God, after all, is God. Fear of the Lord, after all, is the beginning of wisdom (Proverb 9:10), so we don’t want to trivialize a conversation with the Creator of the universe.

Nehemiah, for instance, wept, mourned, and fasted when he heard about the condition of Jerusalem, and then he offered a pretty formal prayer that began, “Lord, the God of heaven, the great and awesome God, who keeps his covenant of love with those who love him keep his commandments, …” (Nehemiah 1:5) And Habakkuk’s plea for revival and mercy has a formal tone. “Lord, I have heard of your fame; I stand in awe of your deeds, Lord.” (Habakkuk 3:2)

Many of David’s prayers in the Psalms, meanwhile, are at times formal, but they also often come across raw and conversational. And the thief on the cross prayed to Jesus like both savior and friend. “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.” (Luke 23:42)

Sincerity and reverence are the threads weave through either approach when they are modelled in Scripture, and that should be the case for us, as well. Make (and Break) Routines Involving Time and Space – When prayer becomes a consistent part of our day, it starts to feel more natural and less uncomfortable. Praying “without ceasing” is part of God’s will for our lives, according to 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18. So it can help to establish some routines around times and spaces for prayer. Pray before you get out of bed in the morning, for instance, and before you lie down at night. Pray before meals. Pray when you are driving (eyes open, please). Create a prayer circle where you walk in or around your home praying for something specific. Clear some space in closet for prayer. Pray while taking a shower or brushing your teeth. Pray before each new task in your workday. Whatever we use, they shouldn’t become legalistic routines, but regularly planned opportunities to invite God into our world. And they also are routines we might intentionally need to break from time to time. If we feel like we are saying the same things in the same ways and our heart just isn’t in it, that’s a good time to break up the routine in some way.

Trust the Spirit – Pray in the Holy Spirit. When Paul talks about the armor of God, he says we can pick up “the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God” by “praying at all times in the Spirit.” (Ephesians 6:17-18) And Romans 8:26-27 is another powerful verse on the power of the Holy Spirt when it comes to prayer. “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.” (Romans 8:26-27)

I’ve long seen this as a call to just pray what’s on my heart and trust the Spirit to tell the Father what’s best. Sometimes I find myself simply saying, “Holy Spirit, I don’t know what to pray! But You know what I need!” Lately, I’ve been learning more about what it actually means to release my words to the Holy Spirit. Frankly, this is very new to me, and sometimes what comes out of mouth is pure gibberish, but I’m trusting that the Holy Spirit is interceding according to God’s will. Be Ready. Yes, I’m repeating myself, but it’s intentional. Prayer is a two-way conversation, so God expects us not only to talk to Him but to listen (be still), expect a response (it might come in a whisper), and then act in obedience.

One of the reasons I believe prayer often intimidates us is because we’re afraid of what might happen if God actually answers our prayers.

What if we pray for an opportunity to share the Gospel and God actually gives it to us? What if we pray about going on a mission trip and God actually makes that possible? What if use prayer to confess bitterness toward a co-worker and God then expects us to actually forgive them?

So we either pray too small or not at all.

What I’ve come to love about prayer is that my part is pretty simple. A broken spirit and a contrite heart (Psalm 51:17) are the main things I need to bring, but I also need to trust God enough to be ready for whatever comes next. If I can get comfortable with that, everything else will take care of itself.